A story, everybody but a few, will find it real hard to believe. I ran into the Devil at the bar today.
Sitting in the corner in black and red, making a bonfire out of the candle light. She looked stressed out after having a bad day. I joined her with tequila in hand. After a while, I started buying her rounds of drinks. She was broke, the poor soul. She couldn't even sell her soul to anyone and no one really cared for her. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, she opened up and gave me the grapevine. "God has a sore throat today. Even when he talks to his chosen few, there is just light and silence. There is chaos and more crowd in hell. All the support lines were busy as to why God is blank calling them. Managing them was a nightmare!"
That was news to me. "God is in Hell?"
The devil looked over both her shoulders. There was no one behind her. The good and the bad mini-devils on her shoulders had alighted to the table. The bad mini-devil was drunk playing the harp. And the good mini-devil was blowing out fireballs with the liquor. "It's a secret. In winter, God has comes down to the winter palace for the warmth of the fiery pits of Hell. The winter palace is closely guarded, cloaked in stealth and heavily sound proofed. Any voice getting in and out would lead to catastrophe in heavenly relations and riots. Hell is a much nicer place without these Gods."
"That is a huge security risk", I said.
"You have no idea. Imagine the number of people who would flock, in case they knew. Worse, some will hold Him or His loved ones for ransom! That apart I have to entertain God and His entourage. The angels, man do they complain. One was like, "This is NOT like Heaven". Of course not! This is HELL! "
Clearly, devil is not the PR types. Nor has she completed her MBA, I reasoned. I let her continue.
"And to top it, no one appreciates me for what I am!". She broke down and cried like a small baby. Time for another round of tequila.
"But man, you are my brother, dude! I will remember you when you come to Hell. I'll take care of you man.".
Hey, that is so untrue. I am so going to Heaven right? My religion .. "Ms. Devil, you must be mistaken ...".
"Listen man, look into my eyes. I am doing you a favor here. It is sad that you are under the spell of ignorance. People actually die to get this recognition from me. I'll add you a few perks. You a veggie right?"
"Yeah", I said meekly.
"I'll make sure you get medium fried with other Vegans only."
"That's nice of you but I am not ...."
"Hold on, just for you....... just for you, free calling from 9 PM to 6 AM HST anywhere to Hell and select locations to Heaven and Earth.".
"Wow! That's a real deal sweetener. Let me think about it." Few more rounds of tequila.
I struck the deal and sold her my soul.
On the last round, she said, "Welcome to Hell. Here is my card in case you want to refer anyone." She snapped her fingers and the good and the bad mini-devil were up looking sharp and smart. She seemed sober and sharp in an instant.
It hit me slow and easy. Just like tequila. I've been had. I just mumbled, "In your list of victims today, what number am I?"
"You are lucky # 13. Next stop, Vegas".
Off she disappeared in a puff of black smoke!
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